Addiction is a merciless enemy who takes advantage of the trauma and wounds of our lives and drives us deeper into darkness. As we claw to escape the slippery walls of this constantly deepening well we slide further into its life depriving void. We slip beneath the polluted, icy waters; bobbing up from time to time gasping for air in an attempt to stave off sure death. This counterfeit offer of relief from the unfathomable injuries of life only magnify the problem. Every time we reach for this pseudo bandaid we become further infected. The errant philosophy of life we practice doesn’t do anything to free us, but strengthens its grip on our soul.
We provide the fuel for addictions engine to run. By choosing to deal with our difficulties in ways that only temporarily mask the pain. Addictions power increases several fold every time we hit the gas pedal and accelerate blindly ahead. In some warped way we have decided that this works well enough, and so we hardly ever hit the brakes, just floor it!
For me, childhood sexual abuse opened a number of doors; not only to addictive behaviors, but relationship struggles, faith crisis, financial difficulties and depression. I learned early on to mask my pain with pornography. I was stunted in my growth by a deeply broken trust, and so I turned to the sexual fantasy, as it was more controllable and predictable than reality. Whenever I ventured beyond this world of my choosing, I failed miserably, and so withdrew even deeper into this fake place I had created.
Every time we act out we are refilling the fuel tank of addiction and hitting the gas.
Something has to change, but the process of finding another power source isn’t easy. Going from fossil fuels to alternative energy is complicated. The oil companies aren’t going to be so keen on the idea of handing over the cash cow they have been milking. There is also the challenge of developing energy that is efficient and available to all; and then, changing the minds of the buying public!
If you don’t put the fuel in, addiction can’t take take you for another ride.
I for one am searching for the alternatives to what never, ever worked in the first place. I am taking my foot off the gas and slowing the breakneck pace that has typified my ride. If addiction hasn’t filled the void in my soul yet, it never will. If what I have tried has failed, it is time to go another direction.
Coast…stop…refresh…think…consider…contemplate what could be if this addiction wasn’t the driving force behind everything we do. I am with you as we beat this gas-guzzling giant and take our lives back!